He’s bigger than I thought. Again.

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I sat there pondering and I feel I’m beginning to see it. The light is kind of sneaking round the cracks of a door that’s slowly being pushed – bit by bit, a little more open.  I see a little more light at every small push. Though it still has a long way to swing open.

Life with him I sometimes wonder if it’s a little like a soul standing upon a majestic mountain, sun beaming down on it, wind blowing across its top, it’s a beautiful place to stand. While the body, heart and mind, is standing on earth doing its thing, failing, winning, laughing, crying. The heart knows though, it’s all going to be ok, whatever happens, because my soul is safe up there. And always will be. It’s kind of comforting.

Maybe this Christ life is actually….  About grasping more and more how full life really is for those who know him. About coming to know more and more about this rich full love he has for us as his dearly loved children. He promised unconditional love, he promised peace, he promised courage, he promised hope. He promised a life and life to its full.  He promised to tell us the truth. He promised us joy! He promised he would search us out. IN the world we live in, he promised us so much goodness. Maybe it’s about coming to experience these promises more and more.  And spending less time thinking about what we can DO to get close, whether we’ve been naughty or nice enough for him to like us more or less.  Maybe it’s… Less about effort, more about getting close to a gracious father, and experiencing life to the full, fuller than before, more and more as we learn.

We need reliable promises. But, it trips me up at times, they seem like big calls don’t they. And I wonder, why is it, that up until now they’ve seemed so out of reach most of the time?

It can almost seem like a joke. Because we all know – this world is full of so much pain, injustice, lies, hate, fear and selfishness! Even in our own lives. These things create messes.

What I’m seeing is, in all this, are his promises. That when put to use, when actually believed in – they appear to combat the very problems this world throws at us every day – Big and small. It would appear… maybe he was onto something.

He promised us an awful lot. They’re big calls. That’s ok. He’s a big God, he can make big calls but he will carry them through.

Where’s the truth going to be for you, if not coming from him? When you get into a position of complete fear or pain, what’s reliable and holding you together?  Where’s the unconditional love, you genuinely need, if it’s not coming from him? Where’s your source of peace, when everything is raging around you, if it’s not coming from him?  Where’s the truth when you’re being ambushed with lies about who you are, and no person is telling you what you need to hear?  Where’s grace going to be, when you’ve messed up, if not from him?

These are things only someone who could possess an infinite amount of love would offer. The thing is though, for a love to flourish, a choice must be made by two, not just one. He loved us first yes? He chose us first. He promised all this – First. But for it to mean anything, we must come to the point where we choose him, where we choose his promises – Every day. Jesus. His presence. Our gift. He’s not going to force anything upon us. Where’s love in that? For love to be genuine, it must be a decision two have made. Not just at the moment we invite him to be part of our lives, but rather every day. It’s a choice. When you hear a voice tell you you’re never going to be anything special. Where is that coming from? We must remember that he’s good. He’s the guide, the counsellor, the encourager. Somehow I don’t believe negative words like that spoken to ourselves, fit his job description. Rather it fits the job description of a deceiver, an accuser, a liar, of one who wants to fool us into being miserable.

You know another name for Satan? ‘The Master Deceiver’ and we read that he came to kill steal and destroy. And that includes our lives. He doesn’t want us to enjoy our lives in the right way, and he’ll do what he can to try fighting the truth. Oh he should know Jesus has already come out on top! Light is what drives out darkness. But it’s a choice. Sometimes an encouraging voice is a harder one to listen to than a bad one. As long as we’re here on earth, there’s gonna be evil. But there’s also gonna be Good. God is light. Invite the Light. Invite the Father in. His love will go deep.

 If we don’t have these promises active at the moment, whether we know him or not, maybe we need to start searching and looking up and out of the world we’re living in. Perhaps we need to start asking him, even if it feels like our words are floating into thin air. If he’s God, he wouldn’t be defined to the world we’re in would he? He’d be bigger, I would think. He’d be separate to it. He’d be worth trusting.

His promises of love and peace and hope, they stand higher. I think maybe… in a different space than here.  If we stood upon the world and it’s goings on, and its attempts at hope, love, faith, ultimately they’d crumble or at the very least not be anywhere near as strong.

I’m not sure about you but I think I want this Jesus more than ever.

 When the storms come rising high I want to be able to really stand on his promises; The truth – he whispers, that always affirming voice, building, and growing me as a person. I want to listen to that voice more and less to the one seeking out ways to make my life miserable.  I want to be able to really embrace this love I know truly makes me smile, instead of thinking someone can give it to me. He promised that to me. Love. He of all people knows what love looks like. Time and time again he’s willing to show you and me.  I want to take on the courage and confidence he gives and offers,  when I’m afraid and full of fear about the big things and even the silly little things. I want; when everything fails to work, and everything falls through –  to place my entire hope into his hands. It’s safe there. He said we’d always have hope because of him. I want to accept his relentless grace, even though I’m a messy human being, I want to accept that ‘he would rather his son go to hell and back, (to cover my messes), than him be in heaven without me ’(max lucado).

Don’t you see, all this would have to be sourced from a different place, a bigger place. There’s nothing quite like it here. I want my heart, and soul to find its life there as much as possible. Every day, not just once off,  it’s going to be a choice, and sometimes an outright battle. Lucky we have Abba on our side.

He created this earth, and I reckon he wants us to enjoy what’s in it. I’ve been thinking maybe it’s more just to not to place more importance on the things in it than on him. Because that’s where it gets messy, those things don’t last in the same way as he does. Enjoy what he’s given you. Because his blessings are there for our pleasure!

Standing on this kind of a firm solid foundation, it’s not the kind that will crumble beneath your feet when life’s messes shake you up. Because shake ups? Oh they happen! Sometimes we will get knocked because our eyes drop off of him, or maybe we lose something or someone. And that’s ok, he told us that would happen, naturally. As long as we are here, that will happen. We just need to remember, though we get knocked, his hand is still firmly holding ours. And always will be.

I want to run after this Christ. I want to listen to his promises more than I listen to lies. Because,

The world can’t offer that kind of loyalty. I sit here thinking deep. And he’s bigger than I thought. Again. I guess he always will be.



The Author

31. Love people and love learning new things about God. Over and out.

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